Once upon a time not too far from the Land of the Rising Sun, there was a kingdom called Qari. Now some people said that the king of Qari was just and others rumored that he was the son of Satan. Perhaps in a way he was a little of both. But no matter his character for this is not a tale of personal morals. We’ve had enough exposure to this in the notorious love story of Prince William and Princess Monica.
Anyway, one day, horrible monsters who ate women and children and old people invaded the land of Qari. In fact, they ate anything human. These monsters were 20 feet tall and had only one eye in the middle of their grotesque foreheads. There were hundreds of them, no, maybe even thousands of them. Qari’s king, whether just and noble or the son of Satan, was helpless. He called forth his army but his soldiers were no match for the Hercules strength of the Cyclops. Even worse, they had insatiable appetites and for every day that passed, each Cyclops greedily devoured at least 10 people. What was the king of Qari to do?
“I must get in touch with my neighbors. They will come to my aid and help me fight off these terrible demons!” said he, as he paced fretfully back and forth across the smooth cool marble floor of one of his very grand palaces. “Why, if they keep eating my people at this rate, they soon will come after me! I can’t have that happening!!!”
So, he boldly, bravely called a meeting of the kings of all his neighboring countries and served them an enormous banquet, truly a feast for kings, as if they were lacking in extravagant banquets or fine food. He held his feast in the grandest of all his grand palaces. On a huge banquet table lay every kind of fresh hand squeezed juice you could ever imagine or desire and stuffed turkeys, lambs, goats and baby beef crammed their serving trays to bursting, not to mention the baby pigeons, pheasants, goslings and ducklings that abounded everywhere. Of course, there were salads galore, casseroles, red and pink slimy fish eggs, or in a more dignified language, caviar, and every imaginable rice dish ever concocted. There was tea and coffee and cocoa and other hot beverages served steaming to the noble guests. Don’t worry about the starving common people, for it was enough for them to read and hear about their king’s enormous banquet and besides, they had to worry about their being served as dinner themselves to the hungry Cyclops anyway.
Well, under the glowing light of emerald chandeliers, to the fragrant odor of soft blue and black roses, golden jasmine and bright violets, the neighboring kings, by now full and drowsy, nearly fell asleep to the accompaniment of the most classical orchestra ever put together. But the king of Qari was genuinely concerned that one day soon he might be the tasty meal of a Cyclops so he impatiently tapped his spoon on one of the many juice glasses that circled his dinner plate and stated in a somber bass voice, “Please my fellow kings. We are faced with a most serious matter. My country has been invaded, as you know, by a plague of Cyclops who are eating my people by the thousands every day. I’m not really overly concerned if some peasants are devoured because poor people are a dime a dozen. What really panics me is that one day the Cyclops will reach my palaces and start feasting on my guards and then me! You are not safe either. Soon the Cyclops will run out of people in Qari and invade your kingdoms as well. We must act quickly and think of a plan to defeat these invaders before they overrun all our kingdoms!”
Some kings listened intently. Some fell asleep face down right in the middle of their banquet dishes! Some daydreamed of being back home in the comfort of their own elaborate palaces. The king of Qari talked and talked and talked some more, and tried to devise a rational plan to defeat the Cyclops. When all his guests finally either were carried off asleep to their own kingdoms or went on their own accords, the king sat down on his royal plush scarlet velvet throne, donned his royal emerald, sapphire and ruby crown and said in a very satisfied voice, “Fine! Now my own hide will be safe, and united, the others kings and I will drive these Cyclops to extinction!”
But he was wrong. Sooooooo wrong. What the kings did instead was make secret separate treaties with the Cyclops, promising them a supply of poor peasants on a steady basis instead of the invasion of their countries. However, little did they stop to think that soon they would all run out of peasants to bribe the Cyclops with and then what would they do? They never imagined standing together united, fearless, defeating their enemies. Each king only thought of his own safety and selfishness.
As it is, the Cyclops have nearly finished eating the people of Qari and are studying which neighboring country to invade next. Where is the king of Qari? Some say he has been devoured as well, grand palaces and all. Some say he snuck away secretly in the deep of the Qari night to some far away isolated island taking with him his diamonds, sapphires, emeralds, rubies and gold to keep him warm on the long lonely days that lie ahead. And some say he is an honored guest of the ever charming Prince William and the quite lovely Princess Monica in their exotic palace somewhere in the enchanted Lewinsky Land where you can wish upon any star and your wildest dreams will come true.