Sarah writes to John McCain

Office of the Governor
Alaska State Capitol Building
Third Floor
P.O. Box 110001
Juneau, AK 99811- 0001
"North to the Future"

Nov 27, the 2008th year of our Lord.

Dear John:

Have you heard the rumor that Barack won’t be throwing an inauguration ball party in Washington this coming January? Who does he think he is, breaking with presidential tradition like that? Sounds like a socialist penny-pincher if you ask me … or even worse.

I mean, what’s he trying to prove by this new austerity thing? Maybe he’s trying to get on the good side of Joe the Plumber who lost his job. Well, cry me a river … Joe isn’t the only good red-blooded American who’s out of work. You and I didn’t get the jobs we wanted either!

Just between you and me John, someone told me that Barack nixed the party so I wouldn’t get to wear one of my fabulous designer gowns to Washington. Could it be true? Maybe he’s afraid I’ll steal the spotlight! What do you think, John? You know him better than I do…

I mean, what is it about clothes? Why the big frenzy over my dresses anyway? Are they that stupid, or just plain jealous? They should get a life; they should come on up here to Juneau and see how freaking cold it gets here in Alaska! I’m lucky to get to wear a dress in church.

But if I am invited to anyone’s party down south, I sure will go; I don’t care whose spotlight I stand in. And I’ll tell all those media hacks to eat their hearts out. They were just terrible to me, trying all the time to make me look like a brainless idiot with a bad case of foot-in-mouth.

Hey, I know I’m not perfect, but at least I can shoot straight and not fall off my snowmobile!

So what was all that fuss about someone leaking that I don’t know if Africa is country or a continent? That’s just plain rude if you ask me. Geez!

Do they expect the Vice-president to know everything? If that were true, what would be left for the President to know? Tell me that if you can! Heck, I don’t know if George Bush even knows everything and he’s been surrounded with hired brains for eight years straight. Give me a break!

I can still remember when former Vice-president Dan Quayle came out with the goofy idea that people in Latin America speak Latin. What a hoot! But did the media make a big fuss then? Not on your Nellie! I guess it’s okay for guys to say and do dumb things, but when an honest American hockey mom has a slip of the tongue, it’s open season on us gals. Now really John, is that fair?

But those paparazzi have had it in for me ever since the TV interview with that stupid question about a “Bush Doctrine.”

That one wasn’t my fault!! George never even told me that he had a “doctrine.”

They should be asking him, not me!

And get a load of those freaky Canadian radio-jocks who thought they’d play a joke on me with that fake phone call from French President Sarkozy. Well I for one didn’t think it was funny.

Hey, you can ask me about the Canadians; you can ask me about the Russians too. I know them both well; they share borders with Alaska.

But do you think the media would actually ask me about the stuff I do know? No way; the right answers are too boring I guess…

Oh well, I guess I don’t feel all that bad about losing the election. How about you? Heck, I may even run again one day; who knows? Gosh darn, but it was fun!

God bless you, pardner.



CC: * Satire