While most of the world tuned into U.S. President Bush’s State of the Union address, fitness gurus around the world were transfixed to the incredibly powerful new form of exercise, Ovational Aerobics. Due to become the latest craze, especially among politicians, soap opera addicts, and devotees of bungee jumping – and expected to out-perform Tae-bo – Ovational Aerobics are for everyone. Whether you are a Democrat, Republican, an Independent, or simply intellectually challenged, all you need is a chair, poor fashion sense, and a partner. While this dedicated fat-burner can be done at home, it is often much more enjoyable in the company of others. A stuffy room of clones is usually the preferred setting.
How does it work? It goes something like this. Have your partner stand several feet away from you. While your partner, in this case a motivational speaker of authority, prepares to charge you ahead in full gung-ho mode, take your seat and wait patiently. Every few seconds, your partner will so motivate you with riveting truth and sensibility about your fat that you will instantly jump to your feet. Every muscle gets a workout. Your quadriceps, calve muscles and lower back will feel the immediate burn. According to the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons, 80 percent of adult North Americans experience, or will experience lower-back pain. No more! Ovational Aerobics takes care of that.
For those who have made it to the intermediate and advanced stages of Ovational Aerobics, furiously beating the palms of your hands together each time you stand will simply work wonders for other body parts. The to and fro motion of the arms and hands is sure to burn the upper and lower pectorals, the anterior deltoid, and the hard-to-reach triceps.
A normal Ovational Aerobics workout lasts about 45 minutes; you will be expected to stand up, work your arms and sit down é repeat the entire process é at least 35 times.
Ovational Aerobics is already creating waves around the world. Reports from foreign correspondents tell of the growing popularity of Ovational Aerobics in Afghanistan.
Who would have thought.
Firas Al-Atraqchi is a Muslim Canadian journalist living on the Pacific Coast.