War is Hell on the Home Front :: Satire ::

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The U.S. is a nation at war. And war is hell here on the home front. The Iraqis think they are suffering, but here in the San Francisco Bay Area people are REALLY suffering.

Morning traffic on the commutes to San Francisco is almost unbearable. So many people trying to enter the city at the same time create almost unbearable tensions and even the harsh honking of car horns on a regular basis. Some people get so riled that they exchange harsh words and symbolic gestures of fingers and body parts. But this is all necessary as a part of the American war effort because the huge economy drives the financing of the War Machine and helps pay for all the bullets and bombs.

If driving is bad, parking is sometimes even worse! The same attitude of selfishness as expressed in American dominance of foreign resources is expressed daily in the cruel process of taking and saving parking spaces. Some people actually park astride two parking spaces in the parking lots of malls and shopping centers and have no concern for the lost parking opportunities for others.

And the cost of gasoline, while coming down slightly recently, is so high that frivolous trips by automobile are sometimes abandoned. If only those damned Iraqis were not resisting our taking of their petroleum, we could have benefited from abundant and cheaper gasoline already! Instead, the Iraqis are causing us so much inconvenience and extra high prices and making our lives a living hell.

Excess food in groceries and restaurants is also a source of discomfort for the American people. We have to live with so much waste and garbage. Sometimes wild animals such as raccoons and skunks enter our garbage facilities and spread the ugly residues and debris over our properties and sometimes stray domestic pets do the same. There is so much food that even our impoverished immigrants are likely to be obese and fat. Food is overly abundant and is causing us health problems and sometimes our suffering causes us to wonder if excess is not a bad thing instead of a good one. Life is hell in wartime when you are faced with the tragedy of an overabundant food supply.

The every day pressures of life in wartime are also draining the American people. In order to keep the economy strong; we have the pressure of constant decision making on which products to buy. We have to decide between Lexus and BMV. We have to decide between Faberge and Channel. We have to decide between colors of our redecorating projects like mauve or taupe. In order to remain rich and affluent and strong, we have to be pressured with so many decisions on how to spend our money, how to invest our money, how to spend our investment income, and on and on and on. Building and maintaining a strong economy in wartime is hard work, and often is pure hell.

And then there are the moral issues we must face. How can we reflect credit on God while suppressing terrorism worldwide? How can we show God that we truly despise ungodlike homosexuals and foreign terrorists? How can we adequately pray for our President and against our enemies, while still finding time to shop and entertain ourselves? How can we fight the moral enemies of our nation, including the Hollywood rabble, while still gratifying ourselves and fighting our own base impulses? How can we get away with adultery, while despising fornication? After all, we are sinners, but not evil people and we especially need to make that distinction during wartime.

Yes, war is hell on the home front. No doubt few if any Iraqis have to deal with the hellish choices and pressures placed on God’s people in America in 2004. May God Bless America and reward us with more wealth and more material blessings as we strive to do his will and root out terrorism.

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