(THE SCENE: Professor Ray Langston’s graduate seminar in political psychology at a Canadian university. It’s the Monday after the 2012 U.S. election. The students are seated around an oblong table. Professor Langston enters and takes his seat.)
Prof. Langston: “Well, did everyone watch the U.S. election results?”
Reg: “I did, but only because I had to for this class. I don’t know what the point was–”The U.S. is so religiously and economically insane it didn’t matter who won.”
Judith: “Well, I’m glad that Obama was re-elected! The country and the world really dodged a bullet!”
Stan: “Yeah! a ‘dumb-dumb’!” (General laughter from the professor and students–”all except Ezra, who doesn’t see the humour.)
Ezra: “I don’t see how you can laugh! Obama is a communist and a national security threat! His Middle East policy amounts to throwing Israel under the bus. Romney is 100% behind Israel and its need to attack Iran. That’s a real American president for you!”
Stan: “Are you for real? Israel has had Obama on a choke chain since he got elected, and as for being communist (voice rising), that’s just a typical right-wing smear tactic! You’re like that idiot woman in Kentucky who squawked ‘communist’ about Obama, but when questioned by MSNBC reporter Chris Matthews had nothing intelligent to say.”
Reg: (to the professor) “You see what I mean about insanity? Ezra must be part American.”
Prof. Langston: “Well, for better or worse, Barack Obama has been re-elected. Is anyone surprised that Romney did so poorly, and what does his loss mean for the future of the Republicans?
Stan: “First of all, your question begs the existence of a Republican Party, but the party of Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt and Eisenhower bears no resemblance to the gang of reactionary, neo-fascist warmongers and robber barons that now run under its banner…”
Ezra: “Fascist?! Now who’s insane! This was a democratic election, one that will go down as the worst in U.S. history. Fascists don’t run in democratic elections.”
Judith: “Hitler and Mussolini both did.”
Ezra: “You know what I mean!”
Reg: (under his breath) “…said the idiot woman.”
Prof. Langston: “Alright, let’s put the personal insults aside–”what about the result and why Romney did so poorly? Stan, you were saying…”
Stan: “I think Romney and other like-minded right-wingers failed so spectacularly because they went out of their way to alienate American voters.”
Reg: “What do you mean?”
Stan: “Well, for one thing, Romney and his Ayn Rand-worshipping twit of a running mate alienated untold numbers of female voters, even conservative ones, by calling for Roe vs. Wade to be overturned. They would have absolutely denied women the right to an abortion, even in the case of rape, saying a woman should be forced to have the baby. Even Susan Eisenhower, Ike’s granddaughter, called Romney unsuitable.
“Second, Ohio Republicans deliberately tried to disenfranchise Black voters by cutting back early voting days and hours. The cheat was obvious and the result backfired. Black voters increased from 11% to 15% since the 2008 election, and helped Obama carried the state easily.
“Third, and most obviously, Romney was dishonest and inconsistent. In the first debate he lied 24 times, and not even convincingly!”
Ezra: “Every politician lies, so why pick on Romney? I suppose you think Obama could pass a lie-detector test.”
Stan: “No, but Obama would not utter the sort of imbecilities that Romney did. Take economics: Romney promised a balanced budget, a strong military and a strong economy.”
Ezra: “And you think that’s imbecilic?!”
Stan: “You tell me: Romney planned to increase military spending by $2.1 trillion over 10 years, despite the Pentagon’s objections, and cut taxes by $5 trillion. That’s a revenue loss of $7.1 trillion with no plan to raise revenue to pay for it. How the hell does that add up to a balanced budget! So yes, Ezra, he’s an imbecile!”
Judith: “Excuse me–”I’m having déjà vu.”
Prof. Langston: “How so?”
Judith: “This sounds just like something out of Ronald Reagan’s first term.”
Reg: “Hey, you’re right!”
Judith: “Reagan came into office promising a 600-ship navy, a massive upper-income tax cut, and massive increases in defence spending. During the campaign, then-candidate George H.W. Bush called it ‘voodoo economics’.”
Prof. Langston: