Hail to the Chief


Today we inaugurate the President and First Lady of the Arab World….


Yes, you heard aright alright. That was the first American election decided by the Arabs.

Not the sheikhs of OPEC, mind you, but the ones on your street. Arab-American believers in applehood and mother’s pie like Ralph Nader, king of electoral swing, and millions more Arab swing voters who went for the winners almost as solid as Jewish Americans lined up behind the losers…

So, here’s Hail to the Chief of Araby. The throne donors can be quite sure he will keep his promises to them.

Of course, he didn’t make any. But would Bush be a Mischief to America after all if he did adopt the Arab-American agenda?

Agenda for Pasha Busha:

First, Floridate Israel.

Israel and Palestine are just one single little cat-dogged country in need of a constitution of, by and for both its peoples (mainly Pals with a lot of uninvited immigrants).

OK, so maybe we got a little nervous when our election didn’t bring a big majority – but did we shoot the demonstrators in Palm Beach? What is all this ruckus about a Jewish majority for a land that has been Arab, Muslim and Christian for 100 generations?

Everywhere else we demand pluralist democracy and fair treatment for minorities. Israel gets away with racial supremacy, apartheid – and annihilation of the majority!

This eye-popping injustice has poisoned the whole Middle East. But once we get Israel on the 20th century bandwagon, the rest of the region will fall into place. We can preach our democratic ideals and people will listen, instead of burning our flag and calling us Nazi war criminals.

Stateside, of course, political correctness has attained to such a fine art that we are running scarce of types to do good and be unprejudiced to. Except for Arabs and the Middle East. There we are a cool millennium in arrears, still mentally and militarily fighting the Crusades, this time with Israeli proxies.

If you have a grievance in America, better not try to take the law into your own hands. Go abroad, young hoods. There we have subsidized a vigilante state founded on terror methods, learned directly from the Gestapo, how to drive out the innocent inhabitants. Get paid and armed by the state to steal thy neighbor’s land.

We and our Zionist ally are the only REAL Middle East terrorists. High-tech, trillionnaire over-killers like the world has never seen. Backed by a PR machine that calls it appeasement when we send Apache gunships against six-year-old rock throwers. That means you, yellow journalists of America.

Yes, it is a familiar sight to see our Commander in Chief on a jovial media roast for some trivial peccadillo. Imagine the stink of the ink when the war crimes subpoenas start pouring in from the Hague! Never mind, we’ll just cut the overseas travel budget, there’ll be no time to run off during hearings anyway.

Hear, now, Hail to the Chief, may he not come to Grief, and Stay out of Mischief, Inshallah.

Mr. John-Paul Leonard is a free-lance writer and a regular contributor to Media Monitors Network (MMN)